Thursday, October 30, 2008

...Here be Monsters.

I love that line from Pirates of the Caribbean: "We're off the edge of the map we've made; here be monsters." (and yeah, I know it isn't original to the movie -- it was written on the unexplored margins of most maps back in the day)

I'm still reading this marvelous, humble little book called "Page after Page" and I'm in the home stretch but I've reached the absolute end of my inter-library loan abuse. The marker has been called, and I've got to return it today. So close! (Ah, well, the copy I ordered should be in the mail sometime this week.)

The last section is some good stuff, brother. I just had to come and post -- nay, I was compelled to post!

My thoughts, let me show you them.

God! Heather Sellers is so... good. That tells you nothing! -- let me dig deeper and get into some of my compost, tell you how I really feel. I have to quote from the book, directly. (Disclaimer Ahead!!) These are Ms. Sellers words, not mine:

Some writers, who work very hard, every day, make money off of their writing. Most, like painters and puppeteers and pianists, have other sources of income: lessons, shows, community performances. Most writers are less master and more jack-of-all-trades. It can be frustrating, but I think we like it that way. Most writers aren't terribly obnoxious or stuck-up or greedy for chic sunglasses and fancy cars. They like nice paper. Beautiful pencils. Maybe a particularly fine desk lamp or a gift certificate from a locally owned bookstore. I might be wrong, but I think most writers are going to do the work, anyway, for some other reason than fame or fortune. We are people of letters, as Janet Burroway says. We have to record what we see and what we know, in our towns and on our streets, in our families and in our daily lives. In this way, we are the opposite of fame and fortune.


The thing is, for me, writing is like giving birth. I've only ever attempted it once (hah! birth, not writing) -- despite having two children (first one a scheduled C-Section, the second one an emergency C-Section after being in labor for 24 hours) -- but I remember it vividly. It was hard. And it hurt like the fires of Hell. And it made me SICK and so, so tired. But I didn't even once imagine quitting. I wanted to push that baby OUT -- I wanted to break that tape as I crossed the finish line!! It was the most profound thing I've ever attempted, the pushing. As the doctors and nurses tried to pull this vital thing out of me, I vomited and peed and yes, I shat. It was ...excruciating -- the embarrassment.

Writing *is* pulling something vital from the deepest part of you with all the attendant gore -- there's sweat and blood and urine and feces and vomit and placenta and (finally) tiny, helpless, perfect (even in "imperfection") HUMAN. A whole.other.person.

Writing is swarming in all sorts of life-force vibrancy. It's also a mash of disgusting explicitness. It's... if it is anything *real*-- like LIFE itself. Life is full of dark places that we don't want to go... much less show anyone else because -- God forbid! -- they'd know we were HUMAN. And frail. And disgusting. And struggling. And noble -- sometimes. And ...worth every effort.

*THAT'S* how I see writing. It's, like my friend Robin says, really very easy. But it's also the hardest thing to make yourself do, every day -- day in and day out.

But like birthing a human... it's worth every effort.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Cheri Block Sabraw - Notes from Around the Block: Father Knows Best

This beautiful 'Happy Birthday' to her father is bittersweet, lovely and exactly how I feel about our current political climate. Take a moment, if you are stopping by here, and read this lovely, heartfelt post.

Cheri Block Sabraw - Notes from Around the Block: Father Knows Best

Sunday, October 26, 2008

New Phones and Old Phobias

I've been using a trac fone for a while now, and I've never, ever been happy with the company -- mostly due to customer service (customer disservice) over one issue: I never, in about four years of paid service, had a voice mail...or for that matter caller i.d.

I spent two separate very long sessions with the outsourced (and undertrained) customer service people -- all very nice, very polite folk -- who had absolutely no idea how to actually resolve my missing voice mail problem. Finally, after the second lengthy attempt, I just gave up, and had a phone with no voice mail, no caller i.d., and no way to know from where the untold number of calls I missed came.

My guy and I have discussed getting new cell phones since he graduated and agreed that once he was settled into his full-time job, we'd begin looking in earnest. We've shopped around, compared companies and plans, asked around our collective pool of friends and family and let it all stew for a bit. For about 5 months, actually. That's a pretty tasty stew.

Well, this past week, we finally made our decision, signed on for a family share cell plan and bought three phones. (My youngest gets one when she enters Jr. High, just like big sis. A fact, I might add, that is causing a little bit of drama around the house right now.) My husband got a mac-daddy, tricked out SmartPhone, chock full of high tech goodness and my oldest and I each got LG Scoops -- hers is turquoise and mine is orange.

My guy gets his phone out and starts off with a bang, making calls, zipping around checking out his new toy, and I'm kind of timidly poking and prodding mine a little bit and my oldest thoroughly has hers mastered in about 20 minutes. The only thing I was really concerned about was getting my (finally!) voice mail set up. After I saw, or rather heard, my oldest speak her greeting into her phone, I think, "Oh, yeah -- I wanna get that up and running." So I grab my phone and start hunting and pecking around to find how to get my greeting on mine.

Guess what? My new phone...the one I was waiting for so I could finally have voice mail... Doesn't have voice mail.

You know... I don't care for the bells and whistles. I mean, I don't want a JitterBug, or anything but, criminy -- Just let me place phone calls, and in turn, have some way to freaking identify the callers I miss!!!! I don't need live streaming video feed with an mp3 player and games and whatever else the "latest" cool phones have!!! Just give me my dang VOICE MAIL, please. (Although...my new phone is mp3-ready...and I'm kind of excited about that!)

Grrrr. I was burning, man. My husband -- who is my a-number-one, go-to guy -- starts messing with my phone, and when he can get no further on his own, starts scouting the internet for solutions. He exhausts that avenue, and then spends about 40 minutes on online tech support, chatting with someone about my problem...then he calls a number the chat tech gives him and spends another like, 45 minutes on the phone with that tech person and after about two-and-a-half hours Voila! I have my voice mail!!! (He's the BEST!)

So... now I want ringtones, dude. And like, mp3's... and maybe a couple of kewl games; like can you get Halo on your cell? And how about web browsing... because I need to surf at all possible times...

Oi. Maybe it isn't too late to check out one of those JitterBugs....

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Get Back, filthy Muggles!

Pirate Monkey's Harry Potter Personality Quiz
Harry Potter Personality Quiz
by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

You saw it here, I Am Lord Voldemort!!!! Bwahahahahahah! but really I just need a hug *wibble*.

Go and take the test, Death Eaters!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

November approaches...

...and I am chickening out about the whole NaNoWriMo thing. My guy asked me in the car yesterday where (and when) I was planning to take my 'writing sabbatical' this year. And I had no reply. I knew it was coming... I thought I'd like nothing more than another mini-retreat to just marinate in aloneness to prepare for the Month of Speed Novel Writing.

Last year, in the final weekend of October, in preparation for the NaNo, I went and stayed in a little cabin in Ruidoso, NM. It was a productive two days... I made little meals for myself, walked freely around in the (at that time of year) mostly deserted resort town and wrote, wrote, wrote.

But...the thing is, one of my favorite things in trying to cultivate a writing life, is that I like to sabotage myself. (Oh, yes -- right after the 'brown paper packages tied up with string,' is the 'self-sabotage' verse of that song.)

I'm struggling just to get stuff into this blog...to get through a book I'm reading with writing exercises in it...to finish a longer-than-War-and-Peace fic that's been going on since '06... and to try and write something, you know... original... Plus, guitar practice every day, and keeping up with the ever present housework.

Writing, unfortunately, takes a back seat to all the housework. Because housework is unrelenting; because if I don't sit on that proverbial lid and try to at least keep it level it topples over and takes over; because a clean house makes me feel useful; because I want to run away from writing so I won't fail... (oh, hay thar, real excuse!)

Plus, you know, there is a lot of stuff to watch on youtube.

Here's the thing. This book I'm reading, it's called Page after Page [not to be confused with that book by that perky chick who hosted (hosts? I heard she's back...) Trading Spaces] and that book -- if you're prone to self-sabotage or writer's block or any of the myriad of psychic afflictions to which writers are susceptible -- is painful. The author, Heather Sellers, asks incredibly thought-provoking questions (read: self-inflicted mental colonoscopy) of the Writer Inside You. She makes you, in short, examine whether or not you truly, deeply, madly want to write.

And I'm not sure my answer is ...yes. Because if I truly, deeply, madly wanted it, wouldn't I be doing it?

So, yeah... November fast approaches, and I'm running for my life.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Hymn

I'm over 40 and I found something that I like...but I'm not sure if I'm "allowed".

I've stumbled upon a band that was unfamiliar to me. I always get a little obsessive every time I discover new music, and I listen repeatedly to the newly discovered stuff -- you know just to make sure, heh. Normally I'm not too uptight about genres and styles; I can find something I like on almost any station on the radio dial. Even with the stuff I don't care for I can usually manage to find something noteworthy or valid about it that I can, at the very least, appreciate.
My first love is Rock and Roll and I thoroughly enjoy Classical; I relax to modern orchestral arrangements (like soundtracks for movies) and even like some Rap. The toughest field for me to mine is Country...but Sugarland kind of helps with that.

I never felt the constraint of propriety on my musical tastes .... Until today.

Following a thread completely unrelated to what I was doing (there was a little reference in someone's icon) I hit youtube and played several selections of music by a band called H.I.M. Anyone under the age of 21 knew (probably -- what do I know?) about this band five years ago, but being that I'm ancient I don't have the same leisure time to scout out the good music -- I just wait until the whipper-snappers mention it in their lj's.

Anyway... this band is usually categorized as .... goth. Oi. I can't even say it any "louder" than that! I'm ...embarrassed. I think...?

The lead singer/songwriter is young enough to be my son... (Okay -- if I gave birth at 12! Let's say...my S.O. if I was Demi Moore! Sounds cooler.)

The members of the band sport multiple tattoos, they cultivate a nappy, I-haven't-showered-or-shaved-in-three-days-and-just-stumbled-off-the-bus-drunk-to-play-this-gig look and did I mention that they are goth? But still -- good music is good music.

I sat down every time I took a little break between projects today, and listened to a different song. I can honestly say that while some of it didn't just whallup me in the solar plexis, a majority of it did.

If you're over 40, and like fresh music... check 'em out. Might I recommend "Love Said No" or "Killing Loneliness" or the acoustic version of "Funeral of Hearts"...?