On Goldberg's Pwnd

Some people (like some guy named Lee Goldberg) think that fanfic writers are deluded, moronic idiots with seventeen cats all named some precious, goopy name, huge fat rolls hanging off the sides of their broken down office chairs and basically nothing in their life worth living for so they seek out emotional fulfillment by STEALING SOMEONE ELSE’S BABEEEE!!!! While Mr. Goldberg and his ilk are certainly entitled to their opinion, I think t/he/y weaken their position by resorting to schoolyard tactics such as bullying and name calling.

How... precious.

Anyway... I hate cats, am out of shape but not FAAAAAAT!11! (Hello, Mr. Goldberg – Glass house and all?) I’m happy to say that my life actually is kinda good; so busy and fulfilling, in fact, that in the four years I've been "actively" writing fanfiction... I've managed to hammer out only a little over 100,000 words.... And dudes, that's like only ONE Michael Connelly book, right?

So, yeah, I write fanfic. I do it as a writing exercise... to work on the mechanics of the craft of writing, without the pressure of "Oh-my-god-I-have-to-try-and-get-this-thing-published-or-I'll-be-a-failure-GAH!!1!!!1" In other words, it relieves the competitive struggle from my brain – ie, I CAN’T have it published – and frees me to be able to simply concentrate on a specific skill set during the exercise.

My question, and it's NOT "Why is Lee Goldberg picking on me and my ficcing brethren?" Rather, it's simply "Why does he care?" What punches his buttons so furiously that he continues to flog a horse that is so dead it’s a Frenchman’s dinner? Why does he get so hot under the collar about it?

I have a theory… and it’s by no means original – I think Freud might have come up with it first, and it’s trotted out on every media fan board argument at some point – I think Mr. Goldberg reacts so viciously because he sees a little of himself in what he attacks. It’s sound psychology – we usually are harshest with the people who most remind us – subconsciously – of ourselves.

The guy writes tie-ins. So he gets paid to steal someone else’s baby. Is that like kidnapping, kinda? Oh, wait – it’s sanctioned by the creator, right? I guess it’s alright to be a hack and come up with alternate scenarios for someone else’s creation if you sell your soul to them first sign a deal with them to shill their product.

Whatever; like I said, I’m supportive of his right to have an opinion. The button-pushing that drove me to rant about it, is that Mr. Goldberg is the beneficiary of some old-school nepotism and the people – like Naomi Novik, a ‘lowly’ ficcer who “Made It” – whom he attacks so vehemently, AFAIK, specifically aren’t. He and his compadres “Made It” through connections (read: relationships) to those already there. Ms. Novik made it…uh, because some power broker…uh… liked her writing…? Is it because Ms. Novik created an entire universe out of her imagination and, uh, is actually successful at it, while Goldberg (mostly) writes tie-ins for…uhm… teevee shows? Ahem. I’m sorry. I can’t resist laughing …just a little.

So, yeah… rant on, Mr. Goldberg and friends. We all know what you look like – being the beneficiary of some blood-line connections in the writing world – attacking a woman who successfully took her hobby and made something original.

Here’s another psychological principle for you, Mr. Goldberg. Most people when threatened by something they perceive as better than they will react one of two ways: they will either attack it (so, so tacky)…or they will compensate by substituting something for their own inadequacies.

Oh-oh-oh, I know! Why don’t you get a really fast, souped-up sports car?

One person candlelight vigil

Oh, the ups and downs of life.

Right now, I'm thoroughly unhappy with my home life... and that fact has almost NOTHING to do with reality. It's because I'm fighting depression, actually.

Anyone who suffers from depression, knows what I'm talking about. I've tried some traditional avenues of help for the tendency toward depression that I've had since I was very small... including counseling, self-medicating with Alcohol, better living through chemistry, sex, and none of it -- including counseling really did anything to stop the depression. I finally came to the conclusion that you know what? --sometimes I just feel bummed. self-destructive. alienated. hopeless.

And that's okay. I do a mental check of when I start feeling it... and when it passes. And, except for a couple of really extraordinary instances, the feelings pass within about three days. And if I'm unable to endure three or four days of drifting, and treading water with occasional points where I feel lucky just to hold my head above water... well, then I must be made of some really weak stuff.

And I know that I'm not. I am strong.

I am a broadcaster... to an unknown audience (-- maybe to no one --) in the middle of a sea of doubt, and fear, and lonliness... and if someone is reading this, and thinking they can't make it... that they're lost... with no hope...

Don't give up; it will pass. You have people who need you -- believe and hold on for them, if for no other reason.

So... Blogger is Google, now?

My, how things change. Google will one day rule the world... Bwahahahahaha.

Couldn't get into my blog, because I'd forgotten my password. Figures. You try to come up with a password that can't be hacked, and it's so good, you can't remember it yourself. Now, THAT's irony, Alannis.

From now on, I'm going to stop being coy, and just embrace the fact that I'm a writer. I'm not going to go around calling myself a fledgling writer, or a wanna-be writer or an unpublished writer (all of which are true...well, except for the last one, if you consider college publications.) From now on, I'm simply going to say, i am... a WRITER. --period-

Mostly, I'm writing fanfiction (yeah, laff it up) because I'm able to just experiment with an already created universe, concentrating on plot, dialogue and characterization. Right now, I'm in the middle of a WIP of colossal proportions based on the X-Files. It's mostly paralleling canon, but I'm trying to weave a wicked AU relationship between Scully and Krycek. This caught me some flak, at first -- a couple of ugly posts telling me, basically, to SHUT UP! SCULLY LURVES MULDER!!! KRYCEKS A LOSER!1!!!1 (hee) But mostly the reception has been very gracious.

It's funny, I used to be so into Mulder and Scully -- I never thought they should be romantic (their relationship transcended the merely sexual, imo) but I got kind of MAD at Duchovny with all his "I'm staying/ I'm going" bs... and I thought, Go! Don't let the door hit ya, ya ingrate!

And besides... Nick Lea is so beautiful it hurts to look at him.

So, yeah. Obsession + passive aggression = I want to make my Scully and Krycek action figures (snigger) do it. So sue me.

DISCLAIMER!!! I don't own the characters, and am making no (michael) muhney (another minor obsession) on them!!111!!1

Hee -- that always makes me laugh. Like anyone writing fanfiction would ever actually cut into the profit margin of the Big Brother(s). I know the disclaimers are a necessary evil, but they STILL make me laugh.

What? A point? Oh, yeah.

Okay, things I've learned from writing fanfiction:

1) Write something every day. Even if it's a sentance that you backspace through a hundred times. Writing takes metaphorical muscles -- if you don't exercise them, they will atrophy. NO, really. Be Nike. Just do it.

2) Try to write the stuff that pleases YOU -- not your readers. It's not being selfish; you only know your own tastes -- what makes you sit up and take notice -- and, chances are, there are others out there who enjoy the same things you do (otherwise, there'd be no Nielson Ratings) Instead of trying to figure out what will draw readers, write what would draw you. Remember Field of Dreams? If you write it (and you like it) they will come.

3) Have a 'spot' that you write in -- it can literally be the same seat at the dining room table, size doesn't matter. But, it's important to have it, and stake your claim on it: "THIS... is my writing spot!"

4) When you're writing (fiction, especially) get into the head of your primary character. In your mind's eye, take a few moments to visualize the scene you will be writing; see what your POV character sees, and describe it. It's that simple. And that hard. Because the trick is ---

5) ...try to describe it as succinctly as possible. (something that's really hitting home with my current X-Files fic, lemme tell ya... ) The more tight the writing (especially in action-driven fiction) the more the reader is drawn in and will be caught up in the writing.

6) Spell check, spell check, spell check. It should be like a mantra, man. Nothing takes someone out of the moment of your story quicker than baad spillink.

7) Accept constructive criticism gracefully. Let me go further -- encourage it, court it, solicit it. I like strokes... a LOT; who doesn't? But, sadly, strokes don't help me improve my writing. (although... they do inspire more writing...)

8) Read other good writers. Shamelessly copy them. NO -- don't steal their words (plagarism is NEVER cool)... but learn from them, imitate them (it's the best form of flattery) and try out their different styles. Always with the mind toward, finally, finding your own.

9) Try to get an objective person to read it before you post it -- a Beta reader. You are too close to your own writing, and sometimes -- like a doting parent with an unruly child -- can't always see the faults that need correcting which would stare the less-involved Beta in the face. It can only help.

10) Even if you do have a Beta tell you, "Cut this entire paragraph!" and it's something that you feel reeaally needs to be included? Trust your gut. You, after all are the crafter of that little slice of heaven... and if it's something you feel strongly about, keep it.

11) Sometimes, the chapter you're working on just ...isn't happenin'. Don't sweat it. Try writing a future chapter, or reworking an old one, or just go back and read older chapters to get back into the timeline you've established. Or, you know, take your dog for a walk, or shoot baskets with your kid... Don't, absolutely DON'T fear the Writer's Block. It happens, yes. But like with most things -- it, too, shall pass. Don't give up on your passion. If you do? You will live to regret it.


So, that is what I've learned, so far. It's been a wonderful, frustrating, enlightening, frightening thoroughly rapturous journey.

Till next time --