On Goldberg's Pwnd

Some people (like some guy named Lee Goldberg) think that fanfic writers are deluded, moronic idiots with seventeen cats all named some precious, goopy name, huge fat rolls hanging off the sides of their broken down office chairs and basically nothing in their life worth living for so they seek out emotional fulfillment by STEALING SOMEONE ELSE’S BABEEEE!!!! While Mr. Goldberg and his ilk are certainly entitled to their opinion, I think t/he/y weaken their position by resorting to schoolyard tactics such as bullying and name calling.

How... precious.

Anyway... I hate cats, am out of shape but not FAAAAAAT!11! (Hello, Mr. Goldberg – Glass house and all?) I’m happy to say that my life actually is kinda good; so busy and fulfilling, in fact, that in the four years I've been "actively" writing fanfiction... I've managed to hammer out only a little over 100,000 words.... And dudes, that's like only ONE Michael Connelly book, right?

So, yeah, I write fanfic. I do it as a writing exercise... to work on the mechanics of the craft of writing, without the pressure of "Oh-my-god-I-have-to-try-and-get-this-thing-published-or-I'll-be-a-failure-GAH!!1!!!1" In other words, it relieves the competitive struggle from my brain – ie, I CAN’T have it published – and frees me to be able to simply concentrate on a specific skill set during the exercise.

My question, and it's NOT "Why is Lee Goldberg picking on me and my ficcing brethren?" Rather, it's simply "Why does he care?" What punches his buttons so furiously that he continues to flog a horse that is so dead it’s a Frenchman’s dinner? Why does he get so hot under the collar about it?

I have a theory… and it’s by no means original – I think Freud might have come up with it first, and it’s trotted out on every media fan board argument at some point – I think Mr. Goldberg reacts so viciously because he sees a little of himself in what he attacks. It’s sound psychology – we usually are harshest with the people who most remind us – subconsciously – of ourselves.

The guy writes tie-ins. So he gets paid to steal someone else’s baby. Is that like kidnapping, kinda? Oh, wait – it’s sanctioned by the creator, right? I guess it’s alright to be a hack and come up with alternate scenarios for someone else’s creation if you sell your soul to them first sign a deal with them to shill their product.

Whatever; like I said, I’m supportive of his right to have an opinion. The button-pushing that drove me to rant about it, is that Mr. Goldberg is the beneficiary of some old-school nepotism and the people – like Naomi Novik, a ‘lowly’ ficcer who “Made It” – whom he attacks so vehemently, AFAIK, specifically aren’t. He and his compadres “Made It” through connections (read: relationships) to those already there. Ms. Novik made it…uh, because some power broker…uh… liked her writing…? Is it because Ms. Novik created an entire universe out of her imagination and, uh, is actually successful at it, while Goldberg (mostly) writes tie-ins for…uhm… teevee shows? Ahem. I’m sorry. I can’t resist laughing …just a little.

So, yeah… rant on, Mr. Goldberg and friends. We all know what you look like – being the beneficiary of some blood-line connections in the writing world – attacking a woman who successfully took her hobby and made something original.

Here’s another psychological principle for you, Mr. Goldberg. Most people when threatened by something they perceive as better than they will react one of two ways: they will either attack it (so, so tacky)…or they will compensate by substituting something for their own inadequacies.

Oh-oh-oh, I know! Why don’t you get a really fast, souped-up sports car?