the path

"We can do this the easy way...or we can do it the hard way"...

Those words have been spoken in some incarnation in a lot of movies by a lot of different heros. John Wayne, all the dudes that interpreted Wyatt Earp on screen, heck probably even Bruce Willis said something near it in his Die Hard movies -- although not nearly as memorably as his Yippee-ky-yay M*****F*****. (You don't get many catch phrases as good as that one. Well, maybe Ahnold's "I'll be back," comes close. But I'm chasing rabbits, now -- back to the point)

We can do this the easy way or the hard way... Like we have a choice. Most people can do it no other way than the hard way -- and I know. I'm a people. Who usually does "it" the hard way. Someone much wiser than me said, It is only through the hard times that one grows...(or words to that effect.)

It's the high winds that bend the juvenile trees (almost so far that you'd swear they were going to break) that actually strengthens them and helps them grow tall -- if they don't break, that is. Heh -- that's another one, what don't kill ya, makes you stronger. How many times have I had that phrase shoved at me by some stalwart old fart...who, I begrudgingly admit, knew better than me? How many times since I've started to become a stalwart aging fartlet have I said the same thing to other young saplings who -- I know looked at me like I was just as crazy as I thought the old farts were who were saying the same thing to me?

I had a friend who told me that you have to beat the tomatoes to get them to grow. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone who hasn't planted a bunch of tomato plants and anxiously watched them suck your water bill to over three thousand extra gallons a month only to appear to swoon every single day in the harsh sun of a typical TX panhandle afternoon. But if you have? Well, you know exactly what my friend was talking about -- it may not actually do any good... heh. But it sure makes you feel better ;-)

Is it true? Do the beatings you take in life make you stronger? I pondered this today as I had a pretty frank conversation with my soon-to-be twelve year old...about a very difficult period in my life. I found myself at one point in the conversation saying that although I was pretty strong when I was in high school, I went through a terrible period in college wherein I surrendered everything that made me "me"....but that now, I was much stronger than I'd ever been before the terrible period with the difficult people in my life and I was actually -- if not exactly grateful -- I was at least thankful that I learned from it, and grew...and that I would never just let someone strip me of my self-worth again.

I don't have the abject terror of being unloved the way I did then... perhaps because I stumbled upon someone who loves me unconditionally --- and allows me to love him back the same. I don't need approval the way I -- even subconsciously -- did then because I've learned (well, more accurately I'm in a constant process of learning) that I need only stay true to my core values and I need no other approval. I no longer see the necessity of perfection in myself...I only have to give my endeavors my best. Sometimes my best is half-assed, and that's okay too as long as I don't make a habit of it.

My husband -- before we were even dating, when we were just two friends who worked in a dinner show together -- used to nab me by my sleeve as I was storming out the stage door for a smoke after I flubbed a cue and he'd look me in the eye and he'd say, "Let it go. If you focus on what you messed up, you'll blow the next cue...and the next...and the next. Concentrate on the moment and you'll do fine."

He was right. When you concentrate on the moment -- whatever it is -- give it your focus as if it's the only thing happening right now, as if there's no other concern in the world, you'll do fine. Will you make mistakes? Sure you will... but in the end, you'll regret only the things you didn't do, not the things you tried and flubbed.

Maybe that is the "hard way" -- ranging around, giving your best, getting messy, making mistakes, flubbing your lines and staying on stage in spite of it -- because of course the 'show must go on' -- pitting your wits against the wind and raising your fist and saying "Give it your best shot!!!"

Live wild. Live hard. Live like you mean it. Let the wind blow, the rains lash, the elements nearly break you. And then feel that powerful sinew in you grow.