Space Invaders

I have tried to write this post several times, but that thing...you know that thing that sits somewhere in the back of your mind, or the bottom of your gut, or in the pit of your emotions? -- that thing keeps me from posting.

It's not like it's a big deal -- I was going to riff about how as a wife and mother, your time is eaten up by "space invaders." (Sorry to any retro-gamers who happened upon this post by mistake, but it's not about a video game.)

See the trouble is, the post kept going in this whiny direction aimed at a person who whines a lot about not getting any time to themselves, in spite of the fact that this person has more time to themselves than I do simply because they play (unfairly, IMO) on the sympathy of those around them.

And then I remembered, heh, I don't have a job anymore...so, yeah. Loooootsa time on my hands, now -- and in the two weeks that my offspring have been back in school? I've managed to fritter away about 2/3'ds of that time on ...nothing.

I think I'm feeling crabby and out-of-sorts at myself, for taking all this glorious time that I've gained by giving up my "real" job for volunteer work and housework. So I transfer all my anger to this person -- for something I guess I'm jealous of? 'Cause, honestly...they get more done with their free-time than I do -- when the person I'm really angry at is...Me.

Now that I'm not employed (and turned down a full-time job that -- five years ago -- I'd have really wanted) I think I'm having trouble figuring out how to arrange my time. I've always had an impossible to surmount list of To-Do's that I knew I'd never have the time to accomplish... and that excuse was perfect for not accomplishing anything. Heh, now that I've the time... what excuse do I use for not getting any of those things done!?!

I didn't think I'd have this hard a time prioritizing my time. I thought I'd shout "W00-H00!" and finish a bunch of UFO quilts, and the mending; paint the kitchen; color my hair; obsessively pursue sudoku excellence; rearrange the furniture, and then have it all reupholstered and arrange it back; learn to make tatted lace, Scandinavian embroidery, and crocheted dish rags; repaint the office so that my youngest can have her own room; sew new curtains; redo my two hideous bathrooms; clean the closets; get rid of all the electronic equipment that doesn't work or only works sometimes and have a huge "as-is" garage sale; and, and, and...?

Whew. That list makes me tired.... think I'm gonna go take a nap.